Relax, they're just jokes.

[Ron Attwood]

If anyone is offended by anything on this list.....Aah, diddums.


A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency. (ScrewFix is a hardware store if you don't know.)

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was buggered by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £3.50/min (charges may vary)

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly. (You lucky bastard!)

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

[Tug002]

Not offended, very funny But then I still have a sense of humor

Keep smiling
Tug