If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist and humorist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
6 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
7 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
8 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
9 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
10 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
11 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
12 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
13 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
14 - I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
15 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
16 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into by jet engines.
17 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
19 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
20 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
21 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
22 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
23 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
24 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
25 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
26 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
27 - If at first you don't succeed; skydiving is not for you.
28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Keep smiling
Tug
Some Jems by Steven Wright
- Ron Attwood
- Chief Master Sergeant
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Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
Is that all? I could have gone on for quite a bit longer.
Eva Vlaardingerbroek, an inspiratiom.
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
Still my favorite:
Did you sleep well?
No, I made of couple of mistakes.
Did you sleep well?
No, I made of couple of mistakes.
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
29. There's always opportunity in confusion.
- Scott - A2A
- A2A General
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Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
Great quotes. This one, though purely scientific, is so interesting:
"28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
The answer is yes. The person in the car would see the light beam go out at the speed of light. The person watching the car would see something different, which is all about how time and speed are connected. Mind blowing stuff.
"28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
The answer is yes. The person in the car would see the light beam go out at the speed of light. The person watching the car would see something different, which is all about how time and speed are connected. Mind blowing stuff.
A2A Simulations Inc.
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
Only thing that it would require that the car, the headlights, and the other relevant stuff such as the observer, all with some mass, could do the speed of light. Something that the stuff with any mass tend not to do. They'd simply accelerate infinitely (in their own timeframe) like nothing but would never actually catch the speed of light in relation to any reference point.Scott - A2A wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 07:20 Great quotes. This one, though purely scientific, is so interesting:
"28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
The answer is yes. The person in the car would see the light beam go out at the speed of light. The person watching the car would see something different, which is all about how time and speed are connected. Mind blowing stuff.
-Esa
- Ron Attwood
- Chief Master Sergeant
- Posts: 3254
- Joined: 30 Nov 2010, 10:07
- Location: Chelmsford, Essex, UK
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
I suppose you know this because you have travelled at the speed of light!Scott - A2A wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 07:20 Great quotes. This one, though purely scientific, is so interesting:
"28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
The answer is yes. The person in the car would see the light beam go out at the speed of light. The person watching the car would see something different, which is all about how time and speed are connected. Mind blowing stuff.
Eva Vlaardingerbroek, an inspiratiom.
- Ron Attwood
- Chief Master Sergeant
- Posts: 3254
- Joined: 30 Nov 2010, 10:07
- Location: Chelmsford, Essex, UK
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
Let's ban techies from any forum with any humour content.AKar wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 14:04Only thing that it would require that the car, the headlights, and the other relevant stuff such as the observer, all with some mass, could do the speed of light. Something that the stuff with any mass tend not to do. They'd simply accelerate infinitely (in their own timeframe) like nothing but would never actually catch the speed of light in relation to any reference point.Scott - A2A wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 07:20 Great quotes. This one, though purely scientific, is so interesting:
"28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
The answer is yes. The person in the car would see the light beam go out at the speed of light. The person watching the car would see something different, which is all about how time and speed are connected. Mind blowing stuff.
-Esa
Eva Vlaardingerbroek, an inspiratiom.
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
I think I actually do because no matter where I go, there I am.Ron Attwood wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 14:13I suppose you know this because you have travelled at the speed of light!Scott - A2A wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 07:20 Great quotes. This one, though purely scientific, is so interesting:
"28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
The answer is yes. The person in the car would see the light beam go out at the speed of light. The person watching the car would see something different, which is all about how time and speed are connected. Mind blowing stuff.
Forest
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
Must... ruin... the party...Ron Attwood wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 14:15Let's ban techies from any forum with any humour content.AKar wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 14:04Only thing that it would require that the car, the headlights, and the other relevant stuff such as the observer, all with some mass, could do the speed of light. Something that the stuff with any mass tend not to do. They'd simply accelerate infinitely (in their own timeframe) like nothing but would never actually catch the speed of light in relation to any reference point.Scott - A2A wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 07:20 Great quotes. This one, though purely scientific, is so interesting:
"28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
The answer is yes. The person in the car would see the light beam go out at the speed of light. The person watching the car would see something different, which is all about how time and speed are connected. Mind blowing stuff.
-Esa
-Esa
- Ron Attwood
- Chief Master Sergeant
- Posts: 3254
- Joined: 30 Nov 2010, 10:07
- Location: Chelmsford, Essex, UK
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
All right. You can stay, but no more techie nonsense.AKar wrote: ↑18 Jun 2020, 03:50Must... ruin... the party...Ron Attwood wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 14:15Let's ban techies from any forum with any humour content.AKar wrote: ↑17 Jun 2020, 14:04
Only thing that it would require that the car, the headlights, and the other relevant stuff such as the observer, all with some mass, could do the speed of light. Something that the stuff with any mass tend not to do. They'd simply accelerate infinitely (in their own timeframe) like nothing but would never actually catch the speed of light in relation to any reference point.
-Esa
-Esa
Eva Vlaardingerbroek, an inspiratiom.
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
LOL right on time......Ron Attwood wrote: ↑18 Jun 2020, 07:06All right. You can stay, but no more techie nonsense.
Rob Wilkinson
A2A: Civilian Mustang, T-6, Bonanza, Comanche, Cub, C182, Spitfire, P-40, Cherokee, P-51 - VATSIM P4 and some other stuff...
A2A: Civilian Mustang, T-6, Bonanza, Comanche, Cub, C182, Spitfire, P-40, Cherokee, P-51 - VATSIM P4 and some other stuff...
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
BTW, on the point number....
-Esa
-Esa
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
Wow! I remember seeing most of those as BBS forum post tag lines.
Hook
Hook
- DHenriques_
- A2A Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5711
- Joined: 27 Mar 2009, 08:31
- Location: East Coast United States
Re: Some Jems by Steven Wright
He's good for sure. Good thing we have him now that Yogi Berra is gone. LOLTug002 wrote: ↑16 Jun 2020, 15:59 If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist and humorist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
6 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
7 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
8 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
9 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
10 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
11 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
12 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
13 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
14 - I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
15 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
16 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into by jet engines.
17 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
19 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
20 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
21 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
22 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
23 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
24 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
25 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
26 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
27 - If at first you don't succeed; skydiving is not for you.
28 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Keep smiling
Tug
DH
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