Spoiler alert: This is NOT about the Comanche

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Ron Attwood
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Spoiler alert: This is NOT about the Comanche

Post by Ron Attwood »

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, this isn't what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. 'What gobbledygook is this for God's sake?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it, full speed ahead."

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water. It's an environment protection initiative."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, Sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Anti-discrimination requirements, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled....."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of Admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt; haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"

Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life."
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety again! Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: ""As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case. kiss me, Hardy."
Eva Vlaardingerbroek, an inspiratiom.

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ratty
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Re: Spoiler alert: This is NOT about the Comanche

Post by ratty »

Nice one, Ron.
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MarcE
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Re: Spoiler alert: This is NOT about the Comanche

Post by MarcE »

Lol… not sure if I‘m supposed to laugh or cry :D

Anyway, I‘m not sure you should title this topic with „Comanche“… you know… tribal stuff…

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ClipperLuna
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Re: Spoiler alert: This is NOT about the Comanche

Post by ClipperLuna »

:lol: :lol:
I'll admit it, I did not see the punchline coming. (But for the love of God don't suggest it to the BBC.)

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Ron Attwood
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Re: Spoiler alert: This is NOT about the Comanche

Post by Ron Attwood »

MarcE wrote: 25 Jul 2023, 12:58 Lol… not sure if I‘m supposed to laugh or cry :D

Anyway, I‘m not sure you should title this topic with „Comanche“… you know… tribal stuff…
Actually, that thought ran through my head. I wonder if all those aircraft named after native American tribes would get away with it nowadays
Eva Vlaardingerbroek, an inspiratiom.

MarcE
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Re: Spoiler alert: This is NOT about the Comanche

Post by MarcE »

Ron Attwood wrote: 25 Jul 2023, 16:32
MarcE wrote: 25 Jul 2023, 12:58 Lol… not sure if I‘m supposed to laugh or cry :D

Anyway, I‘m not sure you should title this topic with „Comanche“… you know… tribal stuff…
Actually, that thought ran through my head. I wonder if all those aircraft named after native American tribes would get away with it nowadays
Someone in the US complained about the Jeep Cherokee. I'm not aware of any complaints against Piper models lol... but maybe there are some... silent... calls for attention. ^^

They still call the latest AH-64 "Apache"... so I don't think anyone really cares..

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Lewis - A2A
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Re: Spoiler alert: This is NOT about the Comanche

Post by Lewis - A2A »

hahahaha :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

But I am confused, Its July 26th 2023 and this post isnt about the Comanche? :? :lol:
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