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absolutely terrible puns
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Author:  Tug002 [ Thu Aug 14, 2014 7:18 pm ]
Post subject:  absolutely terrible puns

These puns are absolutely terrible but it's tough not to read them all.


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.


9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.


10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.


11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) . A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh

No pun in ten did.

Keep smiling
Tug :)

Author:  Great Ozzie [ Thu Aug 14, 2014 7:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

Tug002 wrote:
These puns are absolutely terrible but it's tough not to read them all.

Agreed on both counts.

After reading the first one I thought, this is going to be a slog. :lol: But I made it thru to the end! :P

Author:  dseagrav [ Thu Aug 14, 2014 7:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

All of my cats are named for puns on the word "cat".

My first two were rescued from being abandoned in the ruins of a meth lab. They were named Tom Cat and Bob Cat. Then my sister gave me a black cat she had found in a box. He was identical to her previous black cat, so he got the name Dupli Cat. He moved away with my former roommate, as they had become attached. I have a new kitten now who was dumped out in the country. As soon as I brought her home (once she recovered from her bath) she started acting like the owned the place, so she got the name Aeris TheCat. (It sounds like "Aristocrat" when said out loud.)

Author:  Lewis - A2A [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 2:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

thats some bad ass jokes!

Reminded me of this,...


Author:  Bruce Hamilton [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 7:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

Horse walks into a bar, bartender says "Why the long face?"

Author:  ClipperLuna [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

And then there was the ham sandwich who walked into a bar and the bartender said "sorry, we don't serve food here."

Author:  pjc747 [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

Why did the moss and fungus get married? They took a lichen to each other!

Author:  Bruce Hamilton [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 12:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

Broom and dustpan got married and never swept together.

Author:  Bruce Hamilton [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 12:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

Met a girl with one leg, asked her name she said Eileen. Asked her favorite restaurant, she said IHOP.

Author:  G-BJPS [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 12:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

Author:  Bruce Hamilton [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 12:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

Buddy offered me a free king size mattress, told him I had to sleep on it.

Author:  dacamp66 [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 7:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

catastrophe: a trophy made from the rear end of a cat. (cat/a$$/trophy) :lol:

Author:  dacamp66 [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 7:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in a pile of leaves:.... RUSSELL!
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall: ART!
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door: MAT!
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool: BOB!
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs skydiving: SCREWED!!!!!
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in shark infested waters: LUNCH!!!

Author:  Bruce Hamilton [ Sat Aug 16, 2014 3:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: absolutely terrible puns

dacamp66 wrote:
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall: ART!


What do you call two of them on the wall? CURT and ROD

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